Sometimes I have a hard time deciding if I'm burnt out because I'm tired from working in healthcare in a world where people are feeling entitled, because I'm just tired of working in general (I wouldn't mind being a trophy wife ;)), or because I'm just straight up tired from life. Currently, at work I'm acting as a clinical instructor for a physical therapy student, at home (at this exact moment) I have a puker and a 3 year old (need I say more?! 😒), in my wife life I'm trying to think of something other than socks and underwear to gift my husband for our upcoming 9 year wedding anniversary, and in my friend life, I'm preparing for a quick getaway up to Duluth to escape motherly duties, while making sure I'm caught up in all of my other friend group messages to not seem absent from caring.
Maybe burn out doesn't just occur from caring for others at work, but also from just caring in general. I get the sense that people refrain from using the term "burnt out" because they feel it's reserved for those of us that work in public service. Here's my 'blessing' (as if you needed it) to use the term "burnt out" for whatever situation you find yourself in.
Mostly, I think it's okay to feel burnt out from parenting. It's no surprise that I'm not mother of the year over here. I'm more like mediocre in the parenting department. I don't say this in self wallowing, but in the fact that it's how I choose to parent. For example, I have friends who actually grocery shop, meal prep, and send their kids with healthy well-balanced meals to school every day. Then, there is me, who this week is refusing to buy groceries because we have a few old cans of soup in the cupboard that we should eat up, who forces their kindergartner to eat school lunch because of refusal to buy groceries, and who put my kids to bed at 6:45 tonight so I would have time to sit down and write this blog. (but also because they were tiiiiired) Even though I tend to trend more toward the lazy parenting style, I still get burnt out from parenting. I can only imagine how those that put A+ into parenting at all times feel.
Parenting is the highest level of caregiving. You constantly have someone relying on you for sustainability. If I can feel burnt out from caring for adults who actually know how to regulate their emotions (well, mostly), you can certainly feel burnt out from caring for your own family, some of which are still probably developing their emotions. Go easy on yourself, admit burnout, and try these to help ease the burnout feeling:
Ask for help! Communicate your feelings to those closest to you, and ask them to help. People can't read minds, and we have to stop assuming that others know how we're feeling and what we need without telling them.
Take time-outs. When mommy gets frustrated, she puts herself in a time out. It's a way for me to calm myself before I'm about to lose my shit. Removing yourself from an immediate situation of frustration and stress can give you just enough time to decompress quickly.
Take time away! Think of it as a longer time-out. Grab dinner with the girls, go hit some golf balls at the driving range, take a day off from work to fill your own cup, go to Duluth with your fellow mamas to hike and eat and drink.
Focus on the things you can control. I can't control the mood my patients come to my office in, but I can control how I react to it. I can't control the weather, but I can control how I dress my chil....wait, nope, I can't control my 3 year old's refusal to wear a jacket 🤨I can't control the tantrum my child is going to have in Target, but I can control how I react to it. Don't stress about what you can't control, instead focus on how you react to the stressor.
Be willing to delegate. This one is going to be hard for some of you. I'm sure by now we've all heard of the default parent, the one who takes on all of the mental load of running the household. I can't help but think that some of us are the default parent because we choose to be, because we don't trust others to do it right, or we don't delegate because we like to have control. If you're burnt out because of your mental load, consider delegating some of that load! In our household, my husband takes on the responsibility of our dog. Might seem small, but it's one less thing I have to remember or try to coordinate schedules for. It helps my mental load just knowing that I can share the love if I need to. An open line of communication is key to delegation.
There are so many other ways to at least temporarily help with burnout: laugh, exercise, find joy, listen to music, read a book, write a blog. My biggest tip, though, stop burn out before it starts. Use your PTO, delegate tasks before it starts a fight, plan getaways with your friends, date your spouse, hire a babysitter, spend one on one time with your kids, call your mom, buy a lottery ticket :)
You can't fill from an empty cup!
