When did life get so complicated? Like, what the hell happens when you turn 35, and why?! Through conversations with friends over the last couple of weeks, I've learned that we're all just silently suffering in one capacity or another. I legit just told my friend today that I think I'm having a mid-life crisis already. And honestly, it felt refreshing to say the truth out loud.
Being a physical therapist means that I hear the ailments of others day in and day out. Most of the time they are physical ailments, but often they are accompanied with mental and emotional anguish as well. We're all dealing with something, but I think we all feel like our "something" is invalidated because there are people out there dealing with bigger somethings. I'm here to put it in the universe that your something matters to someone and you shouldn't suffer in silence!
There have been multiple occasions recently that I've felt like an absent friend. A friend will just casually divulge how shitty of a month they've had immediately after I just raved about how magical Disney World was, and I feel horrible with how absent in our friendship I have been. The truth is, I don't really think I'm an absent friend (most of the time), but rather we {as mothers} feel like our problems are our own and therefore we don't need to bring others down at the same time. This is such bullshit. What's the point of being a friend if we're not there for each other in the highest of highs and the lowest of the lows.
HOWEVER, I can understand how hard it is to open up about your feelings, even to those who are closest to you. And the fact that talking about them makes them for real real. Is there anything more terrifying than actually legitimizing your feelings?! If I don't say it out loud it's not true - amiright? I don't know about all of you, but I am horrible about talking about my negative emotions. I can listen to others' all day like it's my job (😉), but the thought of me disclosing my own suffers?... Hard pass.
It has been researched and proven that avoiding and repressing emotions can have negative psychological and physical consequences. Issues could include:
muscle tension and pain
digestive problems
sleep problems
cardiovascular disease
Don't wait until you're through the thick of your feelings to open up!
Identify the emotion you're having. Am I frustrated that my 6 year old has called me into his room for the 4th time because his eyeballs are making everything seem miniature? Or is it annoyance because I can't sit on the couch in silence and watch HGTV?
Be honest about how you're feeling. In other words, avoid the passive aggressive "I'll just go ahead and clean your closet for you since you must have been too busy the last 6 months."
Acceptance. As a whole, we could be better at accepting the things that are out of our control. This does not mean your feelings about the situation are not valid, but simply that you realize the situation occurred for reasons out of your control, you've accepted the negative feeling that you're having about it, and now you're focusing on how to shift the situation to something you can control.
Choose the right listener at the right time. Every person has people in their lives that play different roles. Choosing someone who will be be an active listener and have some empathy toward what your feeling will only help you feel calm and at ease while sharing difficult emotions. (On the flip side, just remember that not everyone wants a fixer - be a listener!)
It's okay to have feelings. Positive, negative, and everything in between. It doesn't matter if you're stressed because your baby is having a sleep regression, you're feeling unfulfilled in your current career, you're grieving from a lost loved one, you're angry you didn't win the bourbon lottery because it would have been an easy birthday present for your husband, you're disappointed you didn't make your goal time in your first half marathon, you're frustrated you're not getting call backs on jobs you're applying for, you're having potential postpartum depression symptoms....you don't have to suffer in silence. Find someone, the right one, and get those feelings out!
You can't fill from an empty cup!
