Today was a rough day. My husband is in Mexico, so obviously my kids get Covid. I’ve been single momming it since Wednesday, my kids are feeling a little under the weather (so thankful it’s mild!), my plans for a me day on Friday complete with good coffee, a massage, and dinner and drinks with my girlfriends were cancelled, and the wine I opened on Wednesday had already gone bad by Friday (obviously wine doesn’t usually last that long around here 🙄). Needless to say, I was feeling a little sorry for myself today.
A few days ago a friend sent our Peloton exercise group the sweetest message, attached with the song “Good Job” by Alicia Keys. I said “thank you” and moved on without really letting it resonate, because in that moment I hadn’t really needed it. Fast forward to this morning at 9:30 am when I just started crying in my kitchen and feeling overwhelmed, I needed that message more than ever. I usually have a pretty good coping mechanism to keep myself from feeling stressed or overwhelmed or sorry for myself (or maybe I have a stone soul), but today, today I decided it was okay to feel sorry for myself. So, after I let myself cry (for a hot 45 seconds before someone inevitably yelled “MOM!”), I told Alexa to play “Good Job” on repeat, picked myself back up mentally, and started cleaning the kitchen 🤷♀️ Seemed right.
Does anyone really know the right thing to say when someone is having a shitty day? I’m sorry? It’ll get better? It can’t be any worse than {insert something insanely insensitive here}. My friends are pretty damn good at saying the right things. But I’m also pretty damn good at choosing which friend I know will give me what I’m looking for. Do I need the friend that’s going to be complimentary? Or maybe the friend that’s going to be realistic and logical. I can always count on my mom who will have my back 100% of the time (even when I call her at 2:00 am from a party that got busted… story for another time) What I didn’t know I needed more than ever, was the friend who knew what to say before I even needed to hear it.
I will whole heartedly admit that I am probably the friend that says the worst possible thing to a friend in need. Like, oh, your childhood cat fell out the window and needed 9 stitches? That sucks. (A fictional depiction of what a likely response from me would be- sorry, cat people!) My point here, before recently, I never really thought about how a poorly thought out response could really affect what types of friendships I carry on through this life. Formulating the proper response has become something that I’ve been putting a lot of effort into. Because, I sure needed one of those today, and it turns out it wasn’t even a response, but rather an out of the blue “you’re doing a good job” days before I knew I needed it.
So, after much re-consideration, I’ve decided that girls, in fact, do NOT suck. Sometimes we just need a friend to tell us we’re doing a good job for no reason. Thanks, Lisa!
You’re doing a damn good job, everyone!
