Has anyone else found themselves googling this question on a weekly basis? In my head I’m like “somebody out there has got to be able to answer this for me!” Google is the Devil. Just a pool of information that is highly unnecessary to my decision making process. One of the posts I read the other day suggested that if you look at a newborn baby and think “awwww”, that means your family is not complete. I don’t care how many children I have, I will always inherently awwww at a newborn baby . Useless decision making advice in my case.
On the other hand, a good friend of mine once said that they looked around their dinner table and just knew their family did not feel complete. I look around my dinner table, and I see a full table in a tiny kitchen, with an entire plate of food that my 2.5 year old refuses to eat. Yes, I get it, that's not what she meant, but sometimes it's hard to see through a different lens.
Then there is the age old question, do I really want to start all over again? Does anyone really look forward to that dreadful period of sleeping for 3.2 total hours a night, microwaving their coffee 2934 times, changing diapers while half asleep, showering approximately 1 time per week, all while navigating the anxiety of wondering if your baby is breathing every 2 minutes during that 3.2 hours of sleep? But obviously this phase is not to be confused with all the joys that a newborn baby seriously brings, though. The way a baby smells, smiles, snuggles, giggles, and reaches milestones.
I'm still left wondering over here, maybe even more confused than ever by actually thinking about these questions. Unpopular opinion, but I LOVED being pregnant. I LOVED the whole delivery process. I LOVED the newborn stage. Seems pretty obvious, then, that I should have more babies 🤷♀️ Do I want another baby? The answer for me will always be yes, I would love to be pregnant again and have babies over and over again. The hardest question for me, though - Do I want another child? Two entirely different questions. Pregnancy doesn't last forever, and babies grow up.
My husband once said to me - write me a business case as to why you want another child, and then we can discuss 😂 We could seriously not be more opposite. He's a black and white kinda guy, and my world is literally in a grey space 24/7. Here is where he is at (because you know, I guess he gets a say in this major life decision): we discussed 2 {kids}, we're having 2 {kids}. We can afford 2, we're having 2. Don't take me wrong, he would totally entertain the thought of another, pending aforementioned business case (😉), but overall, he's good. And honestly, I haven't pushed the case hard. (Enter my subconscious - does this mean I don't REALLY want another child??)
Honestly, the thought of 3 kids terrifies me 😜. My table IS full. I would TOTALLY start the newborn stage all over again. I freaking LOVE all babies at all times. We COULD afford another child. I HAVE NOT started on that business case. My family COMPLETES me. My door will likely always be swinging open and closed - even when I'm well over the age of even physiologically being able to have a child. Here is what I've learned - I'm okay with the swinging door, and google can NOT answer all questions. Not that it's anyone's business - but the answer, I still have no idea!
You can't fill from an empty cup, mamas!
