Low energy. Moodiness. Fatigue. Stress. Frustration. I could go on with more, but all of these words could certainly describe me at any given point over the last several months. I'm thinking that it could probably accurately describe most of you as well. Some of these things could mean something more serious, but in my recent experience, it was lack of self-care.
I know, I know, these blog posts make it seem like I've really got it goin' on, and can take care of myself at the drop of a dime. You're right, though. I have a wonderful support system that would allow me to perform acts of self-care when I felt I needed them. Here's the thing, though, there is a difference between being able to take care of yourself, and actually doing it.
Here's an accurate picture of a day in the life of an exhausted parent. Wake up. Make coffee (PLEASE, make the coffee). Feed the gremlins breakfast. Get same gremlins dressed. Pack the bags. Clothe yourself. Oops, pack yourself a granola bar to sustain you all day. Drop kids. Work. Pick up kids. Play with kids. Cook for kids. Eat with kids. Put kids to bed. Try to be attentive to your significant other. Wash your face. Go to bed. Wake up. Repeat.
Let's review the things you did for yourself: got dressed, threw an on-the-go meal in your bag, and umm washed your face (maybe, if you're like me it took you 35 years to realize that one should probably clean their face before bed 🤷♀️). Holy shit. Remember those words we used to describe ourselves up there?! Some nights it's a miracle I even stay up past 8:00 pm. In addition to all of the exhaustion and stress we feel on a normal given day in our own household, now the world is just throwing extra emotional shit at us that, I don't know about you, but, makes me feel helpless and uncertain.
Enter self-care. I think a lot of us wait until our near breaking point to take care of ourselves. I also think that's too late. We're already moody, stressed, exhausted, frustrated, etc. etc. etc. I mean, absolutely still perform your self-care in that moment, but what if, just what if we normalize performing proactive self care? Whaaaaat? Hear me out. One Thursday night I was invited to sub for a co-ed softball team. I walked away from that game feeling happy and energized, and I keep going back every Thursday. Oh how I miss sports. Once I became a mom.... (you all know the rest). EVERY THURSDAY I get to leave the house and go do something JUST FOR ME. I'm not taking my kids to gymnastics and t-ball, I'm not organizing a group dinner for a girlfriend's birthday, I'm not babysitting my kids while my husband goes out and plays golf. I'm doing something just for me. On a weekly basis. JUST FOR ME. Now that's self-care.
I mean, if you want my advice, I would tell every single one of you reading this to find something just for you on a regular basis. I think that's true self-care. Taking care of yourself before you crumble. I'm not just speaking from opinion here, either. Research shows that frequent self care contributes to less stress and better physical, emotional, and mental health. Boy am I a living example of that. I have more energy, more empathy at work, and I'd like to think am maybe a little nicer (to my husband most specifically).
Treat yourself as kindly as you treat others. For me, self-care looks like playing softball every week. For others it might be an uninterrupted nap, a bubble bath, a quiet walk, a drive, time to meditate, watching cartoons with your kids (Bluey, though. amiright?) etc. The key word here is frequent. Let's normalize more frequent self-care.
You can't fill from an empty cup!
