Parenthood is weird. And messy, and annoying, and amazing, and heartbreaking, and makes you realize how much you DON’T actually know. In the span of one hour today, I basically rode the world’s tallest rollercoaster of parenting emotions.
Excited: yay, I get to pick up my 5 year old and head to teacher meet and greet.
Rushed: I have approximately 30 minutes to park, walk said 5 year old and his brother, who’s “legs are tired” and needs to be carried the whole 1/4 mile to the school, and figure out where the hell I’m going.
Anxious: watching my 5 year old’s smile melt away as the teacher speaks nothing but Spanish to him and he doesn’t understand a god damn word.
Heartbroken: 5 year old immediately comes over to me and starts crying and says he wants to go home.
Overjoyed: watching my boys’ eyes light up as their celebration shake (that we ordered for no reason other than at that moment I would have given my son the world) complete with a sparkler, arrives at their table.
Annoyed: for the 5th time, please go to the bathroom so you don’t pee the bed.
Nobody warned me about this shit. I mean, all I usually see are the picture perfect kiddos and families on Instagram (guilty 🙋♀️), that honestly sometimes makes me roll my eyes. Now that I have time to sit and decompress (without a glass of wine because I need to re-stock my weeknight wine 😳) here’s the real DL: (down low, mom)
Bedtime is the worst.
When my kids were infants, I fought my husband to be the one to put the kids the bed. (I always won, well, because I was the one with the nighttime snack) There was nothing sweeter than rocking with my babies and then staring at them while they slept so peacefully in their infant straightjackets.
Toddlers/preschooler bedtime, hard fucking pass. Go potty. NO! Brush your teeth. NO! I have to poop. I didn’t say goodnight to daddy. I’m scared of the dark. My bunnies aren’t cold enough. I’m thirsty. I’m hungry. What if a shrinker ant comes into our room and shrinks us and you can’t find us in the morning. Just go the fuck to sleep! (that book hits harder when your kid turns 3) Now, my husband and I race to see who can get out of the house quicker at bedtime because the dog HAS to be walked right at that exact moment.
It's not possible to love any harder.
I love my husband. I really love my husband. But the love I have for my children is beyond comprehensible. There is literally no greater love than the love you have for your own children.
Kids are funny... until they're not.
Ages 2 and 3 are seriously amusing. They're so funny at those ages because they're not actually trying to be. The things they say and do are cute, and adorable, and hilarious. 5 years old? Not as funny anymore. Similar to my husband, they're funny when they're not trying to be, but sometimes they just put too much effort into it.
Kids are smotherers.
I don't like to be touched. This doesn't really bode well for me, with a husband who's love language is physical touch, 2 mama's boys who are constantly sitting on me or right next to me, and a dog who needs to be in physical contact with someone at all times. Kids have no boundaries, and will follow you literally EVERYWHERE. Gotta poop? Sure, I'll come. Need to change? Sure, I'll come with you. Trying to take a nap? Sure, I'll jump on. Trying to cook dinner? I'll just play right here in the kitchen while the grease is splattering all over. Dad is already in the kitchen and I want a snack? Sure, I'll just ask mom instead.
You literally feel your kid's heartbreak.
I will never be ready for the day that someone breaks my kid's heart. I mean, I was holding back tears today when he cried at school. The mama heart is FRAGILE! If you've never been an empath before, you sure will be one with children. I'm still crying just thinking about him crying. (Really regretting this no wine choice I made)
Kids are annoying.
As much as you love your kids and want nothing but the best for them, sometimes the best for you is to just get away from them. People think that I've got a lot of patience, given the field of work I'm in. Fooled them. I think the people with the most patience are parents who don't lose their shit when their 3 year old has called for mom 84 times in the span of 5 minutes. Kids are just annoying.
You will always be judged on your parenting.
Who fucking cares. Nobody else is parenting your child. You get to do that, so you get to make the rules. When my oldest was younger, I tried to set the rules for the grandparents. What fun is grandma and grandpa's house if you don't get to break the rules a little?! The funny thing is, my son thought he was getting some special treatment at grammie's house because she let them have popcorn and m&m's 2 nights in a row, and mommy only let's them have it once. That's what he thought was "breaking the rules". You'll always be doing something wrong according to other people. Oh well 🤷♀️
The best you can do is your best. We should all give ourselves and others a little more grace in this world.
You can't fill from an empty cup!
